


Tell Me You Heard

by HippieGeekGirl



Series: Bright Nights, Dark Days (We're Gonna Be Okay) [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I can't emphasize that enough, M/M, Missing Scene, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Platonic Romance, indirect declarations of love, slight non-specific spoilers for episode 42, this is entirely non-sexual, this show has left me an emotional mess, vague OT3 feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6024316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HippieGeekGirl/pseuds/HippieGeekGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is burning down around them and he will not leave things left unsaid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me You Heard

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyWZ0Huucig), because I'm a huge sap. 
> 
> Credit for a line in this fic goes to anemptymargin, who got me into this beautiful disaster in the first place

Vax’ildan was finding sleep elusive.

That he'd managed to find some measure of peace in Keyleth’s arms was nothing short of a small miracle, but even her comforting presence couldn't fully dispel the troubled thoughts that kept his mind from settling. He lied awake in silence, listening to the sound of her breathing.

Her voice soon broke through the stillness. “You should go see Gilmore.”

“Pike’s taking care of him.” And since that seemed to be a completely inadequate response, he added “He needs rest.”

“So do you.” She sat up, pulling him up with her. “And I don't think you're going to get it while everything's so unsettled between the two of you.”

“We didn't leave anything unsettled.” He realized abruptly that that was part of the problem.

“Vax, I saw you when we found him. You were  _ terrified _ of losing him. Don't tell me you don't still have feelings for him.”

“Of course I do, he's my friend.” But she could see right through that and he knew it. “I don't want to do anything in haste that I'll regret, okay? I've already broken his heart once, I'll be damned if I do it again.”

She resisted the urge to remind him that heartbreak wasn't an inevitable outcome. The way things had been going lately, it sometimes felt like the  _ only _ possible outcome. “You don't have to do anything now. Just be with him. It'll do you good to see that he’s alright.”

“What about you? You were lonely too.” He knew the events of the day still weighed heavily on her mind, and he wasn't about to leave if she still needed him.

“I'll be fine.” The room was dimly lit, but it looked like there was a faint blush on her cheeks. “You helped.”

She stood, pulling him to his feet and placing a gentle kiss on his cheek as she nudged him toward the door. “Now go. I'll be here.”

___

As he reached the room where Gilmore was recovering, Pike was just leaving.

“I've done all I can to make him comfortable.” She patted Vax’s arm consolingly. “He'll be alright.”

“I know.” He was nonetheless grateful for the reassurance as he slowly eased the door open.

As he approached the bedside, he felt a fresh rush of guilt at how small and weak the man looked. Gilmore was many things, but fragile had never been one of them. There was still a trace of fever sweat on his brow, and his eyes opened as Vax reached over to wipe it away. 

“Hi.”

His voice was low and raspy, something else that should never have been, and it was all Vax could do not to wince as he answered the unasked question. “Hey. I'm here.”

“I'm glad.”

“Me too.” He stretched out on the edge of the bed, facing Gilmore but not quite looking him in the eyes. “Couldn't sleep.”

“What's on your mind?”

“What isn't?” The half-hearted attempt at levity fell flat and he continued on, taking a deep breath as he forced himself to keep talking. "I almost lost you and it's eating me up inside. And I don't have any right to burden you with this… but I was so scared. I kept telling myself that if I didn't put a name to these feelings between us, it would be easier to put them behind me." He sighed. It was a foolish idea if ever there was one. "And then everything went to hell and I thought you were probably dead... And you'd never know..."

"Vax..." there was the low chuckle he'd been so afraid he'd never hear again, though as with everything else now, it was tinged with sadness. "Oh my dear... I've always known. You guard your heart, but it's quite clear to to the people you choose to share it with."

"I should have said it. I can't even say it now, I'm  _ so full of shit _ -"

Gilmore pressed a finger to his lips, stopping his self-castigation in its tracks. "Emotions aren't contingent on being expressed in words. You aren't  the only one to show love in somewhat unconventional ways." He smiled a shadow of his usual welcoming grin. "Or have you never wondered whose heart you've been wearing on your sleeve all this time?"

"That's different." He shook his head, managing to return the smile. "You never do anything less than your best for all your customers. I wouldn't insult you by thinking otherwise."

“Let's just say that for some, my best is better than others.”

Vax shifted closer to him, unsure just how much physical contact would be welcomed. Everything felt so uncertain. “Well if anyone could exceed perfection, it would be you.”

Gilmore reached out and wrapped an arm around his waist, closing the remaining distance between them. “Hardly. But I appreciate the thought.”

“I don't know if this changes anything between us.”

“Then we'll have to wait and see, won't we?”

There were a few brief moments of quiet contemplation.

“I can't believe you fought a fucking  _ dragon _ .”

The laugh that reverberated through him this time was much closer to its typical joviality. “Maybe one day I'll tell you about it. Right now it's time to sleep.”

\---

Despite everything, Vax was still awake when Keyleth looked in on them an hour later. Gilmore had fallen back asleep, his hand clasped over Vax’s where it rested over the slash mark on his torso. The wound was closed, but the surrounding area was still red and tender, and he was covered in bruises. It must have hurt terribly, but he'd never complained. Vax wasn't a healer, he'd never had that ability, but she had a feeling he was helping Gilmore feel better just by being there.

She perched on the bed, watching Vax watch her through half-closed eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” he admitted. “Not okay, but better.”

“Good.” She brushed a lock of hair away from his face. “We have a lot to talk about when this is all over, don't we?”

“I expect so.” He looked up at her. “Stay?”

She hesitated. “I don't think this bed was made for three.”

“I think you'll find there's a fairly simple solution to that problem.”

Her eyes widened in understanding, and a few moments later there was a small grey and white cat curled up next to him, purring softly.

“I don't know what I’ve done to deserve you.” The words came out in a whisper. He was fairly sure no one could hear him, but he needed to say it. “Both of you. You…  _ shine _ . And I may never understand what you see in a man who spends his life moving through shadows, but I will always…  _ always _ be thankful for it.”

He felt the tension he hadn't realized he was carrying leave him. At that moment, surrounded by the people he loved, he felt something he hadn't felt in a very long time. He felt hope.

He held onto that feeling with everything he had as he finally closed his eyes.


End file.
